


Private Property

by abstractconcept



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Ficlet, Humor, Jealousy, M/M, Polyjuice Shenanigans, Professor Harry Potter, bodyswitching, snarry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 15:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12610076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abstractconcept/pseuds/abstractconcept
Summary: Professor Potter is patrolling the castle when he happens upon a very confusing confrontation.





	Private Property

**Author's Note:**

  * For [unbroken_halo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbroken_halo/gifts).



> A little ficlet for unbroken_halo's birthday; hope you have a wonderful day! You're one of the sweetest people I know and you make fandom a nicer place.

Harry trudged down the stairs to the dungeons. He didn't especially like it down there--never had and never would--but those Slytherin buggers were every bit as likely to get into trouble as their Gryffindor bretheren. He was just coming up on an open door when he caught raised voices.

"I wouldn't touch you if you were the last man on earth!"

"I wouldn't ask you to! You ugly, arrogant--"

" _I'm_ arrogant? That's the pot calling the cauldron black, you stuck-up, inbred streak of piss!"

Harry blinked. There was something strangely familiar about that voice, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Shifting uncomfortably, he wondered what he should do. It was his night to patrol the corridors and make sure there were no students out of bed, but these weren't the voices of students. They were men. He recognized the cool drawl of Draco Malfoy--recently-hired as professor of Ancient Runes--but the other voice . . . where had he heard that voice before?

There was a hiss, and then Malfoy snarled, "I don't have to take this. I'm going back to bed. And you can be damn sure I'm reporting you to the Headmistress tomorrow, Potter!"

Harry reeled. Potter? Potter? What Potter?

Draco Malfoy stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him, but he was so angry he didn't even look Harry's way, merely stomping off in the opposite direction.

There was a laugh from the other side of the door, and Harry felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. _His_ laugh! What the hell was going on?

Throwing open the door, Harry raised his wand to find it pointed--at himself? His double looked surprised to see him. Good God, did he really look that idiotic when he was surprised? "I don't know who you are, but you'd better drop your wand," Harry said in a steely voice to the imposter.

"Potter," the double began, but Harry wasn't going to listen to some damn Harry Potter wannabe.

" _Petrificus Totalus_!" he snarled, but the other Harry dodged and leapt behind a cabinet.

"Potter! You demented, destructive dolt! Cease destroying my office IMMEDIATELY!"

Harry's jaw dropped. "Snape? _Snape?_ What the hell are you doing in my body? That's theft! That's impersonation! That's plagiarism!"

"It most certainly is not! And anyway, in a court of law I could _easily_ get you to admit I'm in your body most nights in any case. Most of the time I'm even _invited._ "

Flushing, Harry pushed his glasses back up his nose and gave the man a hard look as he sidled out from behind the protection of the cabinet. "That's not funny. I want to know what you were doing impersonating me and picking fights with Draco Malfoy. You'll get me in trouble with McGonagall!"

"Psh," Snape replied dismissively, waving his hand in a way Harry didn't imagine he could ever copy. It was so weird to see himself move that way. "McGonagall will side with you, as she always does."

Harry frowned. "Maybe. Anyway! You're changing the subject! Why were you down here with Draco?"

Snape looked down his nose at Harry--quite a feat, considering they were exactly the same height at the moment. "What's wrong, Potter? Jealous?"

Baffled, Harry gaped at him. "What are you talking about? Did you try to seduce Draco? IN MY BODY? That's the most vile--"

"I did no such thing. But he was very amenable to being seduced, at least until I told him I wasn't interested."

Something clicked in Harry's head. "Is this about him passing me the pepper at lunch? Snape, he _barely touched me!_ "

Snape scowled. "He _caressed_ you. It's merely that you wouldn't be able to spot a flirtation if it sat in your lap and bit you."

"Has it ever occurred to you that there's a difference between not spotting something and purposely ignoring it because you're not interested?" Harry asked wryly.

Snape looked just a little cowed. "No," he admitted. "That didn't occur to me."

"Look, Snape, don't go stealing my face and pretending you're me. That's disturbing. You're going to give me a bad reputation. Hell, it wouldn't surprise me if you got me _arrested._ "

Snape smiled serenely, looking far less evil than he usually did, with spacey green eyes and mussed hair. In a way, he looked almost child-like in his innocence. "I could do that, couldn't I?" he speculated. "I could probably get you flogged."

Harry covered his face with his hands.

"Which is why you'd best cooperate with me," Snape added slyly.

"Great, so you're adding extortion to your list of crimes?" Harry said.

Snape morphed slowly back into himself, towering above Harry as the polyjuice wore off. He cupped Harry's chin and kissed him--hard. "I may be taking the law into my own hands a bit, but trust me, it's for the most noble cause of all."

"Yeah? What's that?" Harry asked, smiling despite himself.

Snape smiled as well, curling an arm around Harry's waist. "Protection of personal property," he purred.

Harry shivered as Snape's hand slipped up the front of his shirt. Harry waved his wand, and the door to Snape's office slammed shut. Snape arched a brow, and Harry grinned. "Private property, too," he explained.

Snape's eyes gleamed as Harry began to undress. "Very private indeed," he agreed.


End file.
